Oh, yay! I know yet another new fic, but I’ve been etching to type this up for a while and yeah, it’s been eating my stomach. Anyhow, before publicly posting it on FF.net, I was wondering what you guys here thought about it. Here’s a bit of the prologue.
- - -
“Look, all I’m asking you to do is try this out and I’m sure you’ll like it. Come on Kisara, there’s no harm in trying,” she hedged, pulling on my loose sleeve. I shook my head for what felt like the fifth time and stood up, holding a palm to her face. One of my fingers lifted to her lips and I signalled her to be quiet.
“I won’t to join the treaty, Aki. And I certainly won’t lower myself to the standards of those other helpless peasants, especially by going with a man who I barely know only to sell my virginity.”
She stayed quiet – thankfully.
Who knows what could have happened if she continued pestering me? Believe me, I have a pretty bad temper when you knew how to turn it on.
Shifting on the floor, Akila played with her lips and gnawed on her lip. She looked up – god no, not her puppy dog eyes; she knew I couldn’t resist them, but it did, I had to – and clasped her palms together. She leaned forward, pleading.
I creased my eyebrows, glowering as fiercely as I could. “No, Aki, no.”
“But-“
“I said no Akila-“
“C’mon, it’s not like-“
“It’s not what, huh? What? Do you want to fall pregnant?”
“Well, with the right...” she trailed off, closing her eyes, like in deep thought. She breathed slowly, titling her head to an angle. “Yes,” she conceded, blushing. Her cheeks reddened like a soft tomato, dimples burning holes at the sides of her cheeks.
I raised an eyebrow.
“And how can you be sure? Aki, this isn’t right.” She shook her head; defiant to lose to her feeble ways, I decided to continue. This is horrible to do to a friend, I know, but what these men are doing to her and other unfortunate women is far worse. “Yes, we’re not the prettiest women in the world. And yes, we’re stereotypically ‘different’ to other females, but we can’t allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, especially when we’re supposed to stand up for ourselves just because we’re not accepted by other males, or anyone else in that context.”
Man, I think that came out harder than expected. The poor thing, she looked like her heart was being torn out. In a way, I guess it was all the more better then. I’m not letting any man walk over me, or her, no matter how or why he does it.---
Okay, I think I’ll stop. So, what do you think? Any constructive crit?
I really need an honest opinion, and possibly any plot ideas if you wish. And if it’s not too much to ask, could you please respond to what you think the story might be about, since I’m taking this story fairly slowly and I don’t want to expose too much of the background in the first few chapters. Hopefully reader’s can make a basic generalisation and I can work up from there.
So yeah, any reviews are appreciated and see you soon. Keep Smiling,AAA
- - -
“Look, all I’m asking you to do is try this out and I’m sure you’ll like it. Come on Kisara, there’s no harm in trying,” she hedged, pulling on my loose sleeve. I shook my head for what felt like the fifth time and stood up, holding a palm to her face. One of my fingers lifted to her lips and I signalled her to be quiet.
“I won’t to join the treaty, Aki. And I certainly won’t lower myself to the standards of those other helpless peasants, especially by going with a man who I barely know only to sell my virginity.”
She stayed quiet – thankfully.
Who knows what could have happened if she continued pestering me? Believe me, I have a pretty bad temper when you knew how to turn it on.
Shifting on the floor, Akila played with her lips and gnawed on her lip. She looked up – god no, not her puppy dog eyes; she knew I couldn’t resist them, but it did, I had to – and clasped her palms together. She leaned forward, pleading.
I creased my eyebrows, glowering as fiercely as I could. “No, Aki, no.”
“But-“
“I said no Akila-“
“C’mon, it’s not like-“
“It’s not what, huh? What? Do you want to fall pregnant?”
“Well, with the right...” she trailed off, closing her eyes, like in deep thought. She breathed slowly, titling her head to an angle. “Yes,” she conceded, blushing. Her cheeks reddened like a soft tomato, dimples burning holes at the sides of her cheeks.
I raised an eyebrow.
“And how can you be sure? Aki, this isn’t right.” She shook her head; defiant to lose to her feeble ways, I decided to continue. This is horrible to do to a friend, I know, but what these men are doing to her and other unfortunate women is far worse. “Yes, we’re not the prettiest women in the world. And yes, we’re stereotypically ‘different’ to other females, but we can’t allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, especially when we’re supposed to stand up for ourselves just because we’re not accepted by other males, or anyone else in that context.”
Man, I think that came out harder than expected. The poor thing, she looked like her heart was being torn out. In a way, I guess it was all the more better then. I’m not letting any man walk over me, or her, no matter how or why he does it.---
Okay, I think I’ll stop. So, what do you think? Any constructive crit?
I really need an honest opinion, and possibly any plot ideas if you wish. And if it’s not too much to ask, could you please respond to what you think the story might be about, since I’m taking this story fairly slowly and I don’t want to expose too much of the background in the first few chapters. Hopefully reader’s can make a basic generalisation and I can work up from there.
So yeah, any reviews are appreciated and see you soon. Keep Smiling,AAA
Thu Oct 22, 2009 10:20 am by Mr. Schwibbles
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